Bob, 20 Weeks and No Sex...

...No, no, no, not THAT sex. "No Sex" as in "No Gender."

(silly shirts for 20 week pic)

Oh, Bob has a gender, we just don’t know what it is. By choice. Much has been made about this decision, which I’ll admit, I find somewhat surprising. Although I completely understand why people would want to or choose to know their fetus’s gender before the birth, Greg & I have said for years that we wouldn’t want to know. And it’s not just to keep it a surprise. Though, that IS part of it. Truth is, it’s a pleasant surprise for those that find out ahead of time as well. It’s not as if they are told the gender during an ultrasound & think, “Well, this sucks.” Or go through labor and are told “It’s a boy!” and think, “Yeah, yeah, I already knew that. Whatever.” But as an adult, life gives me so few of the kinds of experiences where you feel fear & excitement & pain & intense joy & elation & SURPRISE, all at once, that having that moment seems like a gift.

But that’s not the only reason. Right now, Bob is the safest s/he will ever be – inside me, protected by all that my growing belly has to offer. Once Bob’s out, there are going to be innumerable things that I won’t be able to protect Bob from. And many things that I shouldn’t protect Bob from. But right now, that’s all I’m doing – growing a healthy Bob & protecting him/her. One of those things is the stereotype & expectation of gender label. Although innocently done, when people say “I won’t know what to buy the baby if I don’t know the gender. It would be easier for people if we knew what you were having.” what they want to do is make decisions for Bob based on gender. And it’s unnecessary. Immediately when people learn a baby’s gender, they begin to make decisions based on this one piece of information: What a baby should wear, what color a baby should like, what toys a baby prefers, what decorations are best for the baby, what names are best for the baby, what the baby’s personality should be, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but Bob will have her/his WHOLE life to deal with that type of expectation (it’s seemingly unending as society has still not decided a person’s worth. Politicians are constantly debating a woman’s worth. And in many states, women seem to be losing this debate.) Right now, Bob is free from all of that – just a perfect little ball of love, a blank slate, no preference, pressure nor expectation, just capable of all things big and small, pink and blue.

(20 week pic)